I'm just a bit to the west

You have to be careful with these sayings, you know. I remember being rather surprised when I forgot something at Deeside and someone said "Don't worry, we know you're always three sheets to the wind". When I was a kid in South Wales that meant drunk! They just meant busy.

Tonight the Grammar Queen tried to make me do two tricky sentence transformations, one after the other. She realised that it was someone else's turn and she said "Oh dear, I'm a bit to the west".

Now I had been primed about this just last night! I said "Not here you're not!"

"Oh no!", she said, "My brother in Paris says that. We have to say I've lost the north".

These things are important if you want to keep your good looks, here in the west!