I almost put the phone down

 I get lots of cold calls from different companies, and they always try to make it sound like you are expecting their call. They go like this :

Allo ?

"M. Davey?"


"C'est la Société Machin Truc-de-Bidule"

That's the moment when I say "Ah non ! Merci beaucoup ! Au revoir !" and put the phone down.

This time the conversation went :

Allo ?

"M. Davey?"


"C'est le service ambulatoire"

Ah bon ?

"La date du 3 mars est confirmée."

It was then that I twigged who it was. The hospital was phoning not to postpone the visual inspection of my innards but to tell me that we're on and to get ready.

Ah bon.

So here's the timetable :

Saturday 28 February - begin the régime sans-résidu. Basically I am allowed lightly cooked lean meat, poultry or fish along with potatoes, pasta or white rice. For breakfast bland cereal or white bread. No fibrous vegetables. No beans or pulses. No fruit. Essentially a really bad, bland diet.

Monday 1 March 10 am get my covid PCR test - this is the stick up the nose test.

Tuesday evening 2 March - The Purge (must get the purgative beforehand ready)

Wednesday 3 March bright and early present myself at Xavier Arnozan hospital.

I hope to be home at lunchtime with it all behind me.

If you'll pardon the expression.


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