I'm not a poet

I had to do this talk and project on "Oulipo" - a workshop of writers who try to set themselves strict limits to stimulate their creativity. They describe themselves as "rats who build their own maze to find the way out of".

One of their techniques is to cut down poems to make new structures that they say are sometimes more powerful than the original. I tried with this one. You may recognise the original.

Helpless babe,
Glory veiled;
To serve,
That we might live.

Garden tears.
Chose to bear;
His heart torn,
'Yours,' He said.

Hands and feet,
Sacrifice,
Stars in space.
Cruel nails.

Learn to serve,
Enthrone Him;
To prefer
Serving.

Comments

Anonymous said…
Hmmm. Not really a poetry person. I can see what they mean though. It's probably best done with one's own work rather than someone else's. No offense but I think I prefer Mr Kendrick's version! That structure is dramatic though. Relaing it to a topical theme - just the shout of 'Goaaaal!' conveys the excitement and fervour of the moment as opposed to the statement 'That was a well delivered goal'.
8:45 am
Alan said…
So you DID recognise it!
8:48 am
minternational said…
I also recognised it (is there a prize?) but find I like it equally as much as the original, given its purpose. I think there's a lot to be said for saying a lot by not saying much; it's the spaces, you see, forcing us to think and to ponder. Like it, me.
10:29 am
Alan said…
Not for singing, certainly.

But perhaps for calligraphying? Stanza three? Framed on a wall?

Or a banner? Now there's a thought!
12:28 pm
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